


I loved you all along

by sunflowerscales



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love Confessions, M/M, i wrote this as a vent, jonmartin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 22:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19981357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerscales/pseuds/sunflowerscales
Summary: Jon confronts Martin about his unusual behaviour. Martin has a breakdown but it's okayWarning for implied rape.





	I loved you all along

Jon could see it, Martin's mind was clouded in shame and despair and utter loneliness. It hurt, seeing him that way, especially not being able to pick out from Martin's mind what in the world had happened. Martin just sat at his desk every day, burying his face in work, hoping nobody would look at him or think of him, but Jon always thought about him.

Occasionally he could hear Peter and Martin talking when he was out in the hall. Martin always spoke quietly before but... When he spoke with Peter his voice was now just above a whisper, Jon could hardly make out what he was saying. He knew Peter was trying to isolate Martin, but Martin seemed so different now. Something was definitely wrong, besides whatever Peter’s plans were. Whatever he was planning, it didn’t make Martin any less of a friend to Jon.

“Martin-” Jon called, catching Martin leaving the office late after work.

“Go away, Jon,” Martin said quietly, not turning around or stopping to give Jon any other answer.

“Martin, please.” Jon sped up to block Martin’s way, “I just want to talk, I’m worried about-”

“I didn’t ask you to worry about me,” Martin growled, trying to make his way around Jon through the hall.

“I can’t not worry about you, seeing what’s going on in-”

“Oh, you’re poking around in my head now too? Is that what you wanted to talk about?” Martin interrupted. He was finally looking Jon in the eyes now, a mixture of anger and shame welling up in them. Jon could tell with his eyes alone how difficult it was for Martin to make eye contact with him.

“No- Martin, I don’t need to look inside your head to see what’s happening! Something is wrong, I know it. I can see it in the way you’ve been acting, you’ve been different for weeks, not just since Peter came and-”

“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT PETER IS DOING!” Martin finally bursts out, tears welling up in his eyes and breathe hitching in his throat. “You don’t need to know everything, Jon!”

“Oh God, Martin…” Jon lowers his voice “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Sh-Shut up, Jon!” He stutters out, tears running down his cheeks as he wraps his arms around Jon’s waist, “Just- shut up…” He sobs against The Archivist’s chest. Jon hesitantly rests his arms around his former assistant, allowing him to continue sobbing into the fabric of his sweater.

“I’m sorry…” Jon utters almost silently while Martin’s sobs.

“Don’t- I just need to get out of here.”

Jon lifts his arms from around Martin so he can pull his face away. When he does Jon feels a stab of pain in his heart, seeing Martin’s face wet with tears and red with frustration, eyes puffy and breathe shakey.

“Are you… okay to get home on your own?” Jon asks, concerned.

“I don’t want to go home… Can… Could we just go somewhere? A park or… or somewhere public.”

“Yes, of course.” Jon answers. “Come along…”

Jon leads Martin to his car and Martin sits in the passenger seat shakily. As they drive, Jon glances at Martin to check on him often, but Martin just stares out the window, watching the city lights go by. Probably trying to distract himself, Jon thinks.

When they arrive at the small park, it was nearly dark, but the sky is still red and orange from the sunset and not many are left at the park, mostly just folks walking their dogs.

“I umm… I’m sorry about your sweater…” Martin says nervously as they get out of the car.

“Oh-” Jon pauses to look down at his sweater, the chest covered in snot and tears from Martin’s crying. “It’ll wash out.”

His assistant nods slightly and leads the way into the park, guiding Jon to the trunk of a tree and sitting at its base, sighing heavily. Jon follows and sits next to him, just close enough so that they aren’t touching.

“I like it here…” Martin breaks the silence. “It’s never too quiet, never too loud, and you’re never truly alone… I haven’t been here since… since Peter-”

“I know, Martin” The Archivist rests his hand on Martin’s.

Martin looks up at Jon briefly before returning his eyes to the ground. “I used to umm… write poems, about the things that I saw here. It was relieving… But now…”

“Martin.” Jon interrupts, “What happened… I mean- if you don’t mind telling me, of course.

Martin fidgets and sniffles, “It’s hard, Jon.”

“I know, Martin… I’m… I’m here for you though. I want you to be okay… or- at least okay as you can be, being indoctrinated into a life of loneliness.”

Martin smiles a bit at that. “Right…” He takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself. “When Peter started forcing me into this whole… loneliness thing I… It was okay, he said it was for the better and I believed that a little bit, maybe I still do but… then he started forcing me into… into other things.” He takes a deep, uneven breathe. “I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I’m actually afraid to be around other people now, more than I’m afraid of being alone. I’m afraid that… that they’ll do the same as he did or… that they’ll be disgusted with me if they find out… That’s what Peter says, anyway. He threatens to t-tell you, and everyone else in the office when I don’t obey him.”

“I… I’m so sorry…” Jon rests his hand on Martin’s, feeling a pang of sadness for the man.

“It’s not your fault, Jon.”

“It’s not yours either…” Jon rubs the top of Martin’s hand with his thumb gently. “It doesn’t change my image of you… I still…” He takes a deep breath. “I still love you just the same, Martin”

Martin’s head whips up, eyes meeting Jon’s “What?”

“I said… I still love you just the same.”

“M… Me?”

Jon laughs a bit “Of course you, Martin.”

Jon watched the anguish melt off of Martin’s face as tears enter his eyes again. “I… I love you too.”

“I’m glad…” Jon replies softly as Martin leans against him, hugging his arm.


End file.
